Cancer SUCKS!

So- it's been a long time.

What brings me back to my blog is reflection and heartache...

My mom has cancer. Really BAD cancer (not that there is a good kind, all cancer sucks). Here's the story...

On February 13th- FRIDAY THE 13TH- at 4:02 pm I found this message:

"Hey friends. Here's the deal. Mom's been having crazy GI stuff going on that's been getting progressively worse. She hasn't been able to keep anything down the past couple days so she went back to the DR this morning and they sent her to the ER for some testing."
"They did a CT and they found some spots on her liver. We don't know definitively what they are, but there is a possibility of cancer. We are having  couple other doctors look at the CT and they will be scheduling a biopsy and some other tests/blood work."

My shocked response was: 

"No."

An hour later...

"Here's the word. It's most likely a secondary spread from cancer that started somewhere else. We're doing another CT tonight to get a picture of lungs to check there. If that's inconclusive we'll do a colonoscopy and check for more GI types, etc."

I was in shock. I didn't get to go home and cry my eyes out just yet- I was still prepping for a Valentine Dinner Fundraiser the Young Women were in charge of in my ward at church...

I spent the next few hours in a haze running errands for last minute preparations for this stupid dinner.

When I finally got home, I wrapped myself up in my handmade quilt from my mom and bawled.


Valentine's Day: February 14th "A Day of Love"

1:44 pm - "Colon cancer- now we know."

Colon cancer that has spread to her liver. That does not sound good. I spent my entire day making flower arrangements, decorating the gym, cooking and serving food, busy, busy, busy... And then when I finally got home, I wrapped myself up in my handmade quilt from my mom and bawled.

Sunday, February 15th: John's Birthday

I got up early for Ward Council, but really wanted to run away. I was still in this blurry haze when...

8:09 am - "Just saw the oncologist. He said the CT looked good. There are a few small nodules, but overall looked okay. We're definitely at Stage 4. The pathology report will show what type of tumor blah blah to direct the chemo. We'll meet with the doctor this week and then second option later. The oncologist seemed optimistic and was okay with us going home today and setting appointments for follow up and moving forward."

At this point, I knew it was bad, but the doctors are optimistic- that's good. I still didn't want to ask or face that "time question," but I knew it would come soon enough. Again, most of the day was a blurry mess of tears.

Monday, February 16th: President's Day: No School

I knew my mom's appointment was around 3 pm Texas Time... which meant around 2:30 my time, I was getting nervous. I kept asking, "Any news???" Nothing... 3:00 passed by.....

4:36 pm - over 2 hours after the appt. - "Mam just got back, she is calling you- better to hear on the phone."

Whoosh. Breathe. Cry. Breathe....

5:05 pm - 21 minute phone call with my mom - "The answer to that time question.... 6 months without treatment. . . (big pause) . . . 2 years with treatment."

A thousand memories rushed through my mind- from the past, and some not made yet from the future- having kids, at the forefront of my mind. Will my mom even meet our firstborn? And then more comforting thoughts- I knew my mom's mom was in heaven and I knew how much my mom missed her. Won't that be so nice for my mom to see her again soon.

The following days were filled with "breaking the news" and an overwhelming feeling of love and support. Everyone that knew her was filled with sorrow, but hope, and offered a kind word. So many reached out to us to let us know we were not alone. That we were strong- Stoddard Strong- and that my mom was the best person who could fight and survive. Everyone was so nice, everyone so consoling, everyone so full of love and appreciation for her life already.

So many donating to her cause: www.gofundme.org/stoddardstrong ($5,000 in 3 days- unbelievable!)

If I know anything, it's that life goes on. I still have to go to work daily. My mom still has to work. My family doesn't get to just stop and cry and pout. And we didn't. We're go-getters, we're fixers, we're brave- we will fight. Cancer sucks, but Stoddards are STRONG.

I know not many will read this, but it's what I needed. A record. Just knowing that others are aware of our struggle makes it that much easier to face. Just knowing that Heavenly Father is in charge, and that we are all in this together makes it bearable. We will be okay, come what may and love it.

I love you, Mom.

- Lisa Loo