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The way things are

Most of the time in life, there is a rhythm and motion to our actions. And then, at other times, there is just an ongoing flow that just happens. There isn't any pre-thought or determining to do, life just IS.

I managed the Grill at Pickleville Playhouse in Bear Lake during the summer and had the busiest, stressful job of my life. Managing employees is a hard thing to do and I don't know that it ever gets any easier. Trying to find time to make the schedule, and accommodate as many people as you can while still getting the job done makes for tough work. However, I not only pulled it off, I did it very well. The Pickleville Masters said it was the best they had seen it run in years. That made it all worth it.

There was a period of two weeks where I had to commute from Logan daily because I was attending a course for my job- I was asked to be a teacher at Thomas Edison Charter School teaching eighth grade Algebra and aiding in Reading Intervention and Special Ed. Teaching is hard, and learning how to teach is even harder, I think. It has taken a lot to get to the point where I feel like I am making any progress with my students. It's hard to motivate eighth graders to care and it's hard to teach a circus, which is what I feel like some days- a ringleader.

Overall, summer was great and this fall has been a great teaching experience. It hasn't been without a few million tears and frustrating days and lots of sickness, but it has been good to have a full time job to be occupied with. I did realize something, I will always take my work home with me. Between lesson planning and grading and everything, it would be impossible to perform well as a teacher if I didn't. However, bringing work home is okay as long as I set a specific time frame to finish by and not spend all night on it. Take breaks and enjoy life too- because I know my job certainly is not the center of my life.

For thanksgiving, Tim and I got to travel together to Texas and spend a few days there. It was a wonderful time and everyone seemed to like him well enough. The more we talk about getting married and where and when the butterflies in my stomach seem to multiply exponentially. Life seems like it makes sense and gets trickier at the same time. I learned that Timothy is a wonderful man and I don't deserve him, but I want to make him feel appreciated the rest of his life. He is so kind and loving and everything I need and want. He may not be perfect, but he is perfect for me. Update about that soon :)

I did purchase a wedding dress and I'm super duper thrilled about it. Like really, really, REALLY excited. Again, more to come on that soon.

So, now what?

The holidays are around the corner- Christmas is magic. And it hasn't felt much like Christmas yet... no tree, no lights, no decorations. It's weird to not go home at all for Christmas. This is the first year I won't be there at all. It's been fun to see pictures though!

It makes me want to buy a tree and put it up somewhere. Perhaps just a small tree will do? We shall see...

Anyway, the purpose of me writing today was to update this thing for the past six well nine months, and to say that sometimes the way things are is hard. I've felt sick physically for almost two months now, but also, I feel drained of life. This is entirely my fault and I know what to do to fix it. It's just a matter of choosing to do so. So, I'll leave you with this... Something I wrote awhile ago and performed at the talent show:

When Life Gives You Lemons:
By Lisa Stoddard
When you've had a day that didn't quite go your way...
When life is real rough and you don't feel so tough...
When there's only rain and nothing to gain...
When you're stuck in the mud and you feel like a dud...
When you don't have a friend on whom to depend...
When you're dreadfully poor that you can't afford more...
When you're down and your frown keeps hanging around...
When you've lost all your light in the midst of the fight...
When your insides ache 'cause you can't catch a break...
When you're all alone and far from home...
When you want to cry or rather just die...
When you're at the end of your rope without any hope...
When all you feel is sad, try oh try to be glad...
Because...
All days come and all days go,
You won't always have to be so low.
And though, with a heavier heart it's harder to stand,
There's someone whose always willing to lend a hand.
Someone who can listen even when there's nothing to say;
Someone to lead you home when you've lost your way.
Someone to care and calm all your fears,
To stifle your cries and wipe away tears.
Someone to stay on your side of the line,
When the world seems against you all of the time.
Someone to tell you, "Yes you can!"
Your personal cheerleader and #1 fan.
All of the darkness, the lonely you feel,
He has the key that can help you heal.
The mistakes and the pain and the tragedy?
He knows.
He is the one who paid the price for those.
Don't you see the way out of your pit of despair?
After all, you're the only one keeping you there.
Just cry out, "Save me." and someone will come.
He who loves you perfectly, the Only Begotten One.
So when life gives you lemons so sour,
Think of the One with mercy and power,
To change your heart and help you start
Finding joy in the journey.
Life's better when you choose to smile each day.
The heavy burdens get lighter in every way.
There's your reason to be of good cheer,
Especially this season of every year.

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas to you all!!

Love ya,
Schmeese.

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